


Meta: What was the show trying to do with Sarah Braverman's love life?

by luvtheheaven



Series: Metas I've Written (Various Fandoms) [2]
Category: Parenthood (2010)
Genre: F/M, Fanvids, Love Triangles, Meta, Other, and of making, discussion of being a vidder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-27
Updated: 2015-12-27
Packaged: 2018-05-09 20:11:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5553722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luvtheheaven/pseuds/luvtheheaven
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is not a fic, but rather a meta analysis essay about the TV series Parenthood, and specifically the Mark/Sarah/Hank love triangle and what I think the show was trying to do, what my opinion is upon a re-watch of the show.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Meta: What was the show trying to do with Sarah Braverman's love life?

I am a big fan of the show _Parenthood_ , as a whole. I've been watching it since it first started airing, 1 episode at a time. I was already a fan of some of the actors from their previous television series: I knew Lauren Graham from _Gilmore Girls_ , Peter Krause from _Six Feet Under_ , even Mae Whitman from the never heard-of TV series _State of Grace_.

When season 1 was airing I started making a few short _Parenthood_ "[collab parts](http://vidders-vidding.wikia.com/wiki/Our_Terminology)" for some multi-fandom fanvideo collaborations (MEPs or collabs were already starting to be popular on YouTube around then, and I've been in a vidder since 2006 and had vidded _Gilmore Girls_ significantly and made a few _Six Feet Under_ vids too).

In season 3 I made my first full length Parenthood video, a tribute to Mark/Sarah, because you know what? I shipped them hard. I loved Mark Cyr so so much. I loved how Lauren Graham and Jason Ritter acted in behind-the-scenes interviews around each other. I loved everything about that couple on the show. So after seeing a _One Tree Hill_ vid about the Lucas/Peyton ship set to Brad Paisley's song "Then" and falling in love with the song, and then seeing the episode where Mark accidentally blurts out that he "could totally see having a baby with" her... I made a video. I also made some collabs... see my playlist of all of my Parenthood vidding right here: <https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL7B6C7A14915AE503>

After season 3 I decided to check out _Friday Night Lights_ as a tv series, because I'd heard good things from some of my vidder friends and also because Jason Katims who was creatively in control at _Parenthood_ had been creatively in charge of _FNL_ first, and he was casting multiple actors from _FNL_ in _Parenthood_ , and just so many reasons, and I completely loved it.

Drew was always a favorite of mine as I watched _Parenthood_ , too, and when episode 4x13 "Small Victories" aired and the whole subplot with Drew's girlfriend getting pregnant and then getting an abortion, I started writing [my first Parenthood fanfic story](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8898714/1/). 

The summer after season 4 started airing, I watched the TV series _Joan of Arcadia_ because I was curious to see what Jason Ritter, the actor who played Mark Cyr, was like in that show which he did years before Parenthood, and also because my dad had liked the show when it was airing and I'd never seen it and it sounded like a show I'd probably like (and yes, I loved it). Around the same time, I started hosting [a fanvideo collab group for the show on Youtube, **ParenthoodProdz**](https://www.youtube.com/user/ParenthoodProdz/videos). We're still working to post new videos of the show when we can. ;)

To write that fanfiction story, and to make certain fanvids and certain collab parts of mine, I certainly rewatched pockets of the show, would seek out relevant scenes and end up caught up rewatching a whole 10 minutes of an episode, or whatever. But I never sat down and rewatched the show.

Until now.

I haven't done a full rewatch of the show yet, but I decided I am ready to write a _Parenthood_ fanfiction idea I've had since season 4 was airing to fix a few problems with how they handled lying to Haddie about Kristina's cancer and then letting that drop, with how they handled the issue of Victor and his biological mother who raised him for many years before he was placed with Julie  & Joel and how they handled Sydney in that plot too, which the what ifs of if, on a show called Parenthood, they actually dealt with a different way the Amy/Drew teen pregnancy could've played out, etc. And maybe, just maybe, letting my OTP of Mark/Sarah be endgame instead of Hank/Sarah. So I started watching again with episode 3x16 "Tough Love", which is one of my faves, for multiple reasons but especially because of the Drew/Mark/Sarah storyline in it, and I have now rewatched (thanks, Netflix!!) through 5x01.

I always knew, even watching season 4 the first time, that I might've liked Hank/Sarah a lot more if I hadn't seen the other seasons first. I knew Hank/Sarah kind of worked within the context of the season, where Sarah being with Mark is the "boring" status quo, and Hank is the new and exciting leg of the love triangle, and that's how they were writing it. But I also had been involved in [an actors/actresses of Parenthood collab](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P_dwHenbwpU) and I saw how awkward Ray Romano and Lauren Graham were about the other, and how much they didn't seem to even like each other, and I felt like maybe that translated into their acting. I felt none of the positive shipping feelings for Hank/Sarah that I had always felt for Mark/Sarah, despite how much I might have kind of been intrigued by Ray Romano as the unique type of character that is Hank.

But this time around, knowing what I know about how seasons 5 and 6 would play out, knowing that by the final episode of season 6 my dad and I would find Hank/Sarah to be more enjoyable as a ship than we'd ever felt before, I was rewatching season 4 through a different perspective. And I liked Hank/Sarah a lot more this time when I tried to let myself, when I knew Mark/Sarah wouldn't last.

I was also thinking about what the writers of the show must've been thinking, what they must've been trying to portray, and I think because it's television, there are SO many factors at play. There's which actors are stars vs. recurring guest stars and how they possibly, monetarily, couldn't afford to let Sarah get married before the final episode of the entire series because that would mean more screen time for her husband lol?? :P There is the whole issue that I think each season they didn't know if they were going to get canceled or renewed, so the season 3 finale, and the season 4 finale, and the season 5 finale all had aspects that would be satisfying enough even if the show never got renewed again.

I think what they wanted to do with Sarah/Mark by the end of season 3, what they'd decided, is that sometimes, love just isn't enough to make a relationship work, long term. They wanted to show, in a show about parenthood, that incompatible desires about wanting children vs. not wanting children (or in Sarah's case, not wanting another baby) are sometimes a good reason not to get married. They knew how loved and lovable that couple was to fans. They loved Jason Ritter too. They hated writing that break up and the actors' tears are so real and painful too. But it's a truth about life that is important to face, that it's smart to face. The truth is, there isn't just one soulmate in life for everyone. You can find someone else to build  your life with, if you have to. And sometimes, things like two high school kids going off to different colleges, or two people needing to build careers in different parts of the country/different countries, or one person wanting to kids and the other not, are good enough reasons to have an... an amicable breakup.

But, that was a sad ending for a series finale, ending on a note of a break up, so _just in case_ the season 3 finale turned out to be the last episode EVER of the show, they let Mark propose. They gave the other alternative, and even let Sarah look happy about it -- the other alternative being that sometimes, maybe, love is worth certain compromises and sacrifices. The idea that some people might decide to have kids that they weren't sure they wanted because their romantic partner talks them into it or because it is so so important to their spouse -- or vice versa. And they weren't implying that Sarah was going to be the one to have to give in -- they were implying Mark _might_ be willing to give up having children. But they didn't make Sarah say yes to his proposal. They didn't end the season engaged. It was an ending left up to the fans' interpretation, because I think ultimately, the REAL story they were hoping to tell, was one where Sarah and Mark couldn't end up together because Mark wanted more kids and Sarah didn't. That was a dealbreaker, and them being PERFECT otherwise just... just didn't matter.

When they came back, they must've decided it'd be better drama to have a love triangle, or that to just not see Mark at all again would be too disappointing to fans. But they'd probably already decided Mark/Sarah wouldn't last, hence all the set up in the season 4 premiere with the family portrait and discussion of how Mark isn't REALLY family yet and how it'll be bad if for all eternity he's in their family portrait _if_ he doesn't end up being a part of the Braverman clan long-term. But they started this character that they may or may not have already decided was a portrayal of an adult living his life with Asperger's. We know how important that part of the show is to Jason Katims, the creator/showrunner, who himself has a son with Asperger's. We know Max is based on his own child, and Hank was... was a character they really carefully crafted.

This time around, paying close attention to all of the Hank/Sarah scenes, I appreciated the nuance of what they were doing, especially with how they paralleled Hank and Seth in Sarah's eyes. Sarah admired how much Hank loved his daughter and wanted to do whatever he could to stay in his child's life even when Ruby's mother was making it difficult for him. Sarah appreciated that Seth might've said he'd give up touring when their kids were born but he never did, while Hank did give up traveling around the world as a photojournalist. Sarah also appreciated being the one person this cranky, loner man seemed to actually appreciate. She was falling for the artist, the same way she'd fallen for Seth being an artist, perhaps, not really clearly falling in love with Hank, but rather appreciating the beauty of his artwork, and also appreciating how important it was that a kid have her father in her life.

I didn't feel like Sarah really wanted to date Hank, and we also don't really know how attractive she found him. Did she think he was sexy? Was she blown away by the kiss and the chemistry? She acted intrigued in a very subtle way, like it wasn't bad, like she appreciated being wanted, but she didn't act like she actively wanted him. She acted like she wanted to rip Mark's clothes off in early season 3. We saw make out sessions and huge smiles and things that signaled all sorts of FEELINGS from Sarah's end toward Mark. But with Hank, she just... watched him, and slowly learned to appreciate this odd man and feel bad for him and stuff.

The first little catalyst for the Mark/Sarah break up is the Hank/Sarah kiss that Sarah doesn't tell Mark about. She already, in the previous season, cheated on Mark by briefly kissing Seth while in rehab, and she never told Mark about that kiss, either. As a viewer, it's frustrating to watch her lie to Mark after the kiss, to freak out and force him to go jogging and ask him if they can move in together and just react to the kiss in this awkward, uncomfortable way. But logically, it makes sense that she might not want to tell Mark, because Mark acted a bit jealous about Seth stuff in the previous season, and because she and Hank work together, 100% alone just the two of them, and she likes her job a lot. She's really enjoying this photography stuff. And so she doesn't want to find another job, and doesn't want to make her fiancé uncomfortable at the thought of where she is every day at work. Etc.

There is then, a bit later into the season, some awkwardness with Mark/Drew, with Mark not being his parent, with Mark and Sarah not knowing how to adjust to parenting her kids as a team. Mark's not a parent is a recurring theme with Sarah. He doesn't fully "get it". She brought it up back in season 3 too, was it 3x09 "Sore Loser", probably? Mark's a teacher, he has opinions on how kids should be raised, but... he's just not.

The main catalyst for the Mark/Sarah break up, is when Hank calls Sarah, drunk, needing her to take him home. He only got to the point of being so drunk because his wife is going to move to Minnesota and take his little girl away. This whole plot is all about Hank being a parent, something Sarah always maybe wished Mark understood better. Throughout season 3 Mark imagines their future, in New York, or a wedding in Ireland, or stuff that Sarah feels she needs to remind him will be harder/or possibly NOT doable with a baby. She feels like he's on a different wavelength about some of this baby stuff than she is, and she just knows because she's lived through it.

So with this new Hank thing, Sarah doesn't explain enough to Mark. They write this whole plot from this point forward in a very frustrating way, a way that feels off. Mark and Sarah were excited about going to a wedding together, not because Sarah knew the couple getting married or anything but because it'd be a fun vacation, a fun trip to a fancy hotel and a nice location. But what's going on with Hank is so different.  It's almost "life or death", it's about Ruby's life, and about whether or not her father will be a significant part of her life or not. Sarah had already bonded with Ruby at this point, and Sarah knows that if _she_ isn't supporting Hank through this, he literally has no one. It's not a fair responsibility to be on her shoulders, but life happens that way sometimes, and she should've explained more of this to Mark. It wasn't romantic at all. It wasn't co-workerly either, not really. It wasn't about Hank needing her for the job and she's literally his only employee. It was about Hank feeling like he needed to do a job in order to see his daughter, and in order to do the job part of it, he needed Sarah, but it was all about... about being a parent, stuff Sarah maybe didn't tell Mark because she wasn't sure he'd get how important it was, since he wasn't a parent himself, and because he hadn't lived through what Sarah had, seeing how hurt Amber and Drew were over Seth's absence in their lives.

Mark also didn't really "get" how Hank has no friends and no one in his life and how Sarah going to help when he calls drunk might be a bit inappropriate but I just didn't feel that he understood how pathetic and alone in the world Hank was. What could've happened is Mark could've come TOO even, long term Mark and Hank could've even become friends, in some alternate universe where Hank gave Mark a chance as a person who is very likable and who is good at being kind to everyone. Hank could've let his unrequited feelings for Sarah sit there, not acted upon, and he could've maybe moved on, eventually, to someone else. Because I really didn't see Sarah reciprocating anything, and because he seemed prepared to do that, he knew she already "had someone" and said to her after the kiss pretty much as much.

What _could've_ happened is that Sarah could've talked Hank into doing his job ANY TIME other than the weekend she already had planned to go away, like maybe on a weekday or something, or she could've forced Hank to do it alone/hire temp help but been supportive emotionally before and after he returned. But also, she could've done what she did, skipped the wedding, let Mark go alone and enjoy his friend's wedding as much as he could, but promised Mark a new trip, to go away and have a great time doing something else, could've made it clear to Mark just how much she wanted to replace that getaway with something equally fun and exciting.

When Mark broke up with Sarah, she was heartbroken. She didn't want both Hank and Mark, she really only wanted Mark. Hank was just her friend. She really wasn't cheating on/betraying/hurting Mark in any way. That's how I see it.

But in the very next episode, she does have sex with Hank. Because she knows he still wants her. Because sex feels good, like a drug even, and she wants to feel a little bit better. And I guess the sex is good enough. Enjoyable enough. She can't have Mark, so Hank is a good enough second choice. It's nice. It's not love, her feelings aren't that strong, but she appreciates him in more ways than one.

When she sees Facebook pictures from New Year's Eve where the teachers at the high school all went out to celebrate and Mark is being kissed on the cheek by another woman, she is very sad and jealous at the thought of him moving on, even though she's already with Hank.

When they begin to reconnect at the end of the season, the end of season 4, she still wants him, she clearly does, she has never stopped loving him, missing him, etc. But ultimately, she tells him, "I'm going to try to make it work with Hank." and "I could never explain to you how much I love you." And I think this is because, even throughout season 3, the writers had already decided Mark/Sarah can't work, not because of the age difference per se, but more because he's not a parent and if he's with Sarah he never will get to be OR she'll be unhappy and having another baby she never wanted. Because they have that dealbreaker. Irreconcilable differences. That love just isn't enough. She's not choosing Hank over Mark. She's choosing to set Mark free and accept that they can't work long term. That's what I see her doing, that's what I see Lauren Graham acting out, those are her feelings, that's how she wants Mark so badly but is breaking up with him anyway. All of that. That just happens to mean also, that she _can_ stay with Hank, because he's a lot better than just being alone.

But, this show likes to show how complicated parenthood can be, and they decided to have Hank then tell Sarah he's moving to Minnesota for his daughter. Because that would be the most realistic, best solution for what a good parent should do. Choose his kid over his love life, over his career, over everything, if at all possible.

And because they didn't know if the show would be canceled after season 4 or not, they end it on a happy enough note of him asking Sarah to move away with him. And, like with the season 3 finale, Sarah not giving an answer. So viewers can decide for themselves whether or not it'd make sense for Sarah's life for her to move away in order to be with Hank or not. Ultimately, I think maybe the writers were thinking it _would_ make sense for her to move. She was always planning to move anyway to be with Mark in New York, her kids are grown, she's not tied to Berkeley, she's not tied to her family, but, if the show was renewed for a season 5, they'd want Sarah still in town with her parents, siblings, and children, so they didn't want her to say yes and move away, just in case it was renewed. Then again, I think it also makes sense for her to have not wanted to move there, because she was never that attached to photography or to Hank, because her feelings for him weren't that strong. She tells Hank, in the season 4 finale, that she loves him too. But she doesn't seem to be in love with him. To me, it feels almost more like a friendship or family "platonic" kind of love. She cares about him, deeply, truly, and loves that he loves her. But she doesn't really feel as much back.

When season 5 starts, they decide the thing that makes the most sense is for Hank and Sarah to have broken up in between seasons. This adds to my feelings that the show never meant to imply Sarah loved Hank all that strongly. But it also might've been the only thing that made sense if Sarah was to still be living in Berkeley, California. Meanwhile, they had set in stone that Hank was moving in the season 4 finale, so for him to be back in town, it had to be more recent that he moved back, not that he had never left. So it just... it just made sense that they would've broken up in the meantime.

Ultimately, they do write a story where Mark and Sarah's feelings for each other remain strong when they see each other once again in season 5, and one last time in season 6, and that Mark gets to have a new baby with someone else, and in the end Sarah decides she can find happiness with Hank in the long run. But she's not quick to even accept his marriage proposal, every step along the way she lacks the passion she felt for Mark when it comes to Sarah's relationship with Hank. That's how I see it.

Anyway, I just felt like typing up some long Parenthood meta right now. I hope someone enjoys reading my thoughts. Let me know in the comments below if you agree or disagree. ;)


End file.
